I'm no Angel
by TFKeyes
Summary: And so I died. Why can't something like that be simple? Chapter 3 FINAL. Where the hell did you run off to?
1. Chapter 1

I died.

So it wasn't a glorious death at the hands of some powerful enemy, it was just a death. I simply went to bed with a bad case of heartburn and didn't wake up. It seems that the heartburn was a little more sever than I thought.

When I did wake up I was more than a little shocked to see my body not getting up with me. Heck, you would be a little freaked out too.

Well after I calmed down a bit I started to take stock of what was going on. Living alone I figured that it was going to take a while before someone came by to check on me. I noticed that the answering machine hadn't taken any calls by the large glaring zero on the display, not that I could have returned a call given my current condition. Heck, I hardly returned any of the calls I got anyway.

The one thing that puzzled me the most was the chain and plug looking thing in my chest about where my heart was. I tugged the chain experimentally and felt my chest being pulled but no pain. Shrugging my shoulders I just picked up the end so that I wouldn't trip over it and started to explore the limits of my existence.

I started out the door and stopped; taking a look at the table by the door where I dropped everything I normally carry with me to work. My eyes lingered on the pack of smokes. I again shrugged. _"Well I did want to quit anyway."_ I grabbed for the doorknob and my hand passed through it like it was nothing, Silly me I should have known better. I stepped out through the door and into the humid night. There was going to be a fog soon. I could feel the change in the weather but I wasn't really feeling any discomfort.

Down at the local corner quickmart I spotted several of the local thugs hanging around hoping to find someone to terrorize and just shook my head. That had been me a few years back. Yeah, I know. I wasn't any sort of angel, but I didn't prey on women or children like this crop of idiots. I never liked seeing what they did when they thought that they could get away with it. Much to their surprise I made it clear to them when I saw them. Well that was in the past now, or so I thought.

A loud noise came from down the street followed by a loud roar. I held my hands to my ears to try and block out the sound. The punks never flinched. It was as if they couldn't make out the sound or maybe didn't even hear it. I on the other hand didn't like the sound of things. I felt as well as heard the approaching footsteps of something big, something very big. The punks started to feel the vibrations and were looking around. One of them spotted a piece of sidewalk suddenly crack like a tremendous weight had been out upon it. He started towards the sight when I finally made out what was coming.

"Stop!" I yelled. There was no way for him to hear me but I tried. As he approached the cracked sidewalk I saw the huge shape draw back a huge limb then ram it through the hapless punk. I saw the ghost of him get ripped out of his body and shoved into the monsters mouth. There wasn't even a chance for him to scream.

I already told you that I'm no angel but I couldn't just stand there and let these punks get killed by something that they couldn't even see. I ran to a spot just behind the gas pump outside of the store. "Hey! Yeah you! The ugly slob with the Halloween mask on. Why don't you take on someone that can see you and defend themselves? I'm ready for you, you big pile of shit!" This caught the monsters attention.

I knew that I had only one chance to stay out of that bastard's mouth and that was to make him attack me through the gas pump. He was solid enough to crack concrete so I figured that he was solid enough to get burned when the gas exploded. It turned away from the punks that were moving towards their fallen buddy. I wasn't as sure of myself as I made out to be but I had to try. The arm came slicing towards me at incredible speed for something so large and I jumped aside as it slammed into the pump breaking it off and causing a fountain of gas to rain down on the creature. Then the whole thing lit up. The broken wires arced causing an immense fireball. The flames washed through me doing nothing but the monster was a different story. He had to retain some sort of solidity to attack and that's when he got toasted. The screams were deafening.

I watched with an impassive eye as the thing chard and danced as the flesh melted off what I would assume were its bones. The intense heat cracked that Halloween mask and it finally broke into pieces. Just as soon as the mask shattered the beast started to vaporize. The flames dropped to the ground as it disappeared.

I looked at the punks and noted that they were mostly just singed from the fire. I laughed at thinking about how they were going to explain this to the authorities.

About then some new punk sort of magically appeared. I never saw him coming or heard him either. He looked around at the blasted gas pump and at the other punks. Then I noticed the huge sword over his shoulder. That's when he looked at me.

"Did you do this?" He was scowling as he asked his question.

"Well if you want to know, I was being attacked by some sort of monster. It actually caused the explosion by breaking the gas pump. A spark did the rest."

"Did it kill the hollow?"

"Hollow?"

He was a little exasperated. "The monster."

"Crispy critter."

"Damn, I got up for nothing. Well since I'm here, are you ready for soul burial?"

"What's that supposed to mean? First I die in my sleep from a heart attack, then I get attacked by something out of a nightmare and now you want to bury me? I know that I'm no angel but couldn't you just leave me alone?"

"No can do. If I leave you wandering around more of those things will come looking for you."

"Yeah, well that one got one of those guys over there. I'm not so thrilled with more of them chasing me around."

"OK, I'm going to send you to Soul Society. I won't sugar coat it. It's not heaven and it isn't hell so just get ready to take a step backwards in time."

"What? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Think pre edo era."

"Enh? Bub, I am not from this country so speak in better terms, ok?"

"The name isn't 'Bub' its Ichigo and to put it a little better feudal Japan."

"Fine, Ichigo. So what are you?"

"Shinigami Representative. Are you ready for konso now?"

"Shinigami? As in Death God? Damn it, I'm already DEAD!"

"Yeah, I know. Trust me, ok? This is for your own good." He took the huge blade off his shoulder and keeping the hilt towards me he tapped me on the forehead gently.

He started to laugh as I started to flail as I sank into a glowing pool of light. "Calm down. You're going to be alright."

That was easy for him to say.


	2. Chapter 2

My day was a disaster from the moment I woke up. Yeah, the moment I woke up as a ghost. I hated my day so far.

When the blue thingy finally ended I looked around at my surroundings and felt my heart crack. That Ichigo guy wasn't kidding, this was the middle ages. There were few people around and most of them had the look of poor peasants, not that I was in any position to make judgments.

I looked at the buildings around me and shrugged. I wondered how the people here could live in such hovels. Then it struck me. I had nothing on me to survive.

I stuck my hands into my pockets and started walking. Several people looked at me with wide eyes making me feel somewhat self-conscious. After about an hour of this I stopped and asked someone. "What's the big deal with how you're all staring at me?"

The man that I asked just flinched as he looked at me. He looked terrified of me.

"It isn't what you think. They just don't see many non-Japanese here bouts."

I looked in the direction of the voice and took stock of the speaker. He couldn't have been more than five eight and 190 lbs. He projected a very strong presence. The most distinguishing feature was the wild designs on his clothing.

"So are you one of those shinigami dudes?" I asked in a neutral tone.

"Do I look like a shinigami?" He sounded somewhat offended.

"How the hell would I know, I've seen exactly one that I know of. So what's your name?" I waited for a reply.

"I'm sorry. I'm so rude. I'm the self proclaimed protector of all of West Rukongai, the self proclaimed best looking of all West Rukongai, and the self proclaimed best friend of Ichigo Kurosaki….."

"Um could we just skip to the part where you tell me your name? Titles and such mean nothing to me so you're wasting your breath."

"You don't have to be rude about it." He growled. "The name is Shiba Gangyu. I'm sure that you have heard about me."

I just looked at him with a deadpan. "Nope. Never heard of you before." I turned to continue when I heard a thud. I turned and looked and Gangyu had fallen to his knees and was sobbing.

"Ever since that damn Ichigo stormed through here I don't get any respect. Even my gang has deserted me."

Honestly I felt for the guy. He looked like a complete idiot but a well meaning idiot. "Hey Gangyu, where can a guy get a job around here? I gotta make some money so I can eat."

Gangyu looked up with an arched eyebrow. "You just got here and you're already hungry? People here don't get hungry as a rule, unless…" He trailed off.

"What? How can people not get hungry?" Now I was concerned because I could feel the onset of hunger. "Everyone gets hungry when they haven't eaten in a while."

"That's just it. You and everyone here are spirits. Normally there isn't any reason to eat. Most people that do eat do so out of habit from when they were alive, or they have an abnormally high spirit strength which they need to feed. How long have you been here?"

I processed the information then answered him. "About two hours."

"How long were you a ghost in the real world?"

"Oh, I'd say about an hour that I can account for."

"Really? So how old were you?"

"I _was_ just turning 50 but for some reason I don't look or feel that old anymore. I caught sight of myself in a puddle a while back and that kind of shocked me but it also made me feel pretty good too."

"Well by human standards I'd say you look about twenty. It must feel pretty good to drop thirty years all at once."

"What about you? How old were you when you died?"

"I haven't died. I was born here."

"No shit. People can be born just from spirit merging?" I was trying to keep the conversation clean.

"Hell no, fornication between my mother and father."

I just slapped my hand to my face. _"And here I thought that I could be crude."_

"So, ya hungry? My place isn't that far and sis is always bitchin about not havin any company. By the way, don't piss her off she packs a mean wallop."

"Um, sure. I could use the food and maybe a little more education about this place."

"Hey, I just remembered. I didn't catch your name." Gangyu turned to look at me.

"Frank, Frank Johnson." I answered. "I was an American."

"Well Frank you speak pretty good Japanese for a gijing."

"Thanks and quit with the gijing crap. You were never born there yourself, gijing."

Gangyu led me off in the direction of his home. We walked for a while before I spotted a pair of huge arms rising out of the ground holding a banner. The banner read 'Shiba Fireworks Emporium'. Beneath the banner stood a small house.

"Is that your store?" I asked not wanting to believe the over the top advertising.

"Store? No, that's the house. Trust me, ok?" Gangyu said with a smirk on his face.

"What ever. I don't want to intrude. It doesn't look like you have much room to start with."

Gangyu just laughed and opened the door. He waved me inside and as my foot was coming down he smirked. "Watch that first step."

I turned to look at him as my foot was coming down and opened my mouth to ask what he meant. My foot on the other hand kept on going down throwing my balance off as I continued forward. I shot out my hand grabbing Gangyu by the sleeve to stop my forward momentum but by that time it was too late. I pulled him down along with me and damn if I didn't hit every stair on the way down with him on top of me.

At the bottom of the stairwell I looked up towards the light and noticed how small the doorway seemed from my position.

"You could have said something before I stepped in you know." I glanced over at him and even with all the pain had to chuckle at seeing him with his head and shoulders on the floor, his butt up against the wall and his toes touching the floor.

"What the hell is all the noise?!" Came a distinctly female voice. From the sound of her voice she wasn't in that good of a mood.

After doing a quick check to feel for broken bones I pushed myself to a seated position. I noticed that Gangyu was out cold, so I gave one of his feet a toss causing his body to slide down horizontal to the floor.

About then the owner of the voice came around the corner. My jaw dropped and my mind went blank. There standing before me was the spitting image of my ex-wife.

She stood there appraising both of us for a moment before she noticed me staring at her intently. "What?"

"I left the US to get away from you and now even in death I can't get away? This has to be hell!"


	3. Chapter 3

The startled look in the eyes of Shiba Kukaku was not something that many people in Soul Society had ever seen. In fact not even her family had ever seen that look. Her mind flew at whirlwind pace trying to make sense of what she had just heard. "Who the hell are you? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You know damn good and well who I am. I'm your ex-husband. You know, the guy that you married thirty years ago. The same guy that you caused a lot of trouble for."

My mind was remembering that long past summer where I was about to start my junior year of college. This beautiful woman dropped into my life like a tornado, picked me up and spun me about like a rag doll. She was funny strong and most of all beautiful. She had my heart from the moment I saw her. I had asked her to marry me not long after I met her. Then the trouble began, barroom brawls, and various incidents. I did my best to keep things under control but she was like a force of nature. I could no more stop her than stop loving her. Suddenly she disappeared one night. That name was haunting me for thirty years.

"Damn you Kukaku! Where the hell have you been!" It was at that moment that I noticed that she was missing her right arm. My expression changed in a flash. "What happened to you? Your arm?"

Kukaku for her part once again had the look of great shock. I saw the dawning of recognition in her eyes and then the look of great sorrow. She unconsciously reached for the stub of her right arm and massaged it unconsciously. My demeanor had gone from anger to something else. I don't think it was worry but it bordered on that.

"Long time no see Frank. I guess that I have a lot of explaining to do." A sheepish grin crossed her face.

"Well you can start by telling me what happened to you. I thought that you had either gotten bored and left, or been killed. What was it?"

"Well I wasn't bored. I just ran out of time. I wasn't supposed to be there at all anyway." She paused for a moment. "On the night that I left…"

"_Frank, I'm going out for a while. Stay here and I'll be back soon." She tossed on a light jacket and stepped out into the chill night air of the desert._

_She had felt the hollow roaming around all day and had hoped that a shinigami would come and dispose of it. However that didn't happen. She felt the monster closing in on their apartment and knew that it was coming for her. Her only choice in the matter at this point was to go out and meet it on her terms._

_The hollow had been humongous and most likely would have killed her had Yourichi not shown up and finished off the beast. As it was she had lost her arm to its teeth and was bleeding out on the sands. Yourichi had staunched the blood flow but had to take her back to Soul Society so that she could be saved._

"I intended to come back but it wasn't long after that that my house lost its ranking among noble families here in Soul Society. With the loss of status I had no way of returning to you." The look on her face convinced me of its validity.

"So you mean to tell me that all those years ago I married a dead woman?"

She got an irritated look on her face. "Technically I was never born into the real world, and have never died!"

I smirked at her. "So does that make me a pedophile instead of a necrophiliac?" I paused. "God but I sound sick. You were there with me and you were alive and warm and full of spit and vinegar. I was in love with you and here I am, thirty years later DEAD, looking at you like you haven't aged a day. I got old and died and now I'm here and who do I run into but your brother. Life is full of funny twists isn't it?"

She laughed. "Well for a dead guy to look pretty good to me." We both laughed at this point

Gangyu had woken up somewhere in the middle of our conversation and sat up looking back and forth between his sister and me with a look of absolute confusion. "You two know each other? You were married?"

I looked over at him and asked, "What? You think that I'm not good enough for your sister? Sorry, got news for you. I married her a long time ago. I'm surprised that she didn't tell you about it." I had turned to face Kukaku with the last statement.

Gangyu had had enough at this point and his eyes rolled back and he slumped over kissing the floor again.

"Is he always like that?" I asked with an arched eyebrow.

"What do you expect? He's only two hundred years old."

"Only." I shook my head in disbelief. "So how old were you when you and I got married? I know now it wasn't twenty one like the marriage license said."

She looked rather sheepish again and said in a low voice. "Two hundred and ten, but I looked twenty one so that's what I put down."

"Well just so that you know, I never remarried after you left. After you, I was ruined for any other woman." I grinned at her. "That doesn't mean that I was celibate though. Thirty years without your wife is a long time. I think I broke down around year fifteen or so." I scratched my chin as though I were trying to remember it.

"You bastard! You cheated on me?" I saw her arm swinging in to brain me so I leaned forward letting her arm loop behind my head and pull me into very close proximity. Once there I held onto her waist firmly and looked at her.

"This feels like old times, don't you think?" Finally I saw the old Kukaku in her eyes. Not the haughty woman that she liked to show the rest of the world but the woman that I knew her to be.

"Dear Kami-sama, WE'RE STILL MARRIED?" The thought had just crossed her mind I guess.

"Well the vows were 'till death do us part.' Seeing that I died and came here to you… I'll let you decide on whether you want to still be married to me or not. Personally, I still love you in my heart. I know that that isn't saying much after thirty years but it's the truth."

"Well… considering that it took death to bring us back together…" Her arm was still around my neck and she wasn't letting go.

"So you think you can put up with a young guy like me as your husband for the next few hundred years?"

"I married you didn't I?"

I planted a kiss on those smirking lips.

**A/N: Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed my little fic.**


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